tired of fun

i remembered your face in the midst of the crowd

being at a party in amherst was unexpected and fun. i dont go out very often, and when i do something like drive two hours to a costume party, it is usually because clayton has something to do with it. i am not tempted to go out drinking with a large group of mostly unfamiliar people, but when clayton is involved things always seem, and end up being, more fun than how i imagined them to be. im quiet, and in large groups i feel like i lose any sense of being able to explain myself properly. i tried talking to new people but my attention would fall short, and then conversation would falter and die. i guess it does not help that i am constantly looking for girls. i like new girls, but i am horrible at talking to them. it is the worst of curses, that i am terrible in large crowds, and that is where most girls like to be. but after a few hours, the party cleared and a small group of people remained, and the night was wonderful. its just those crowds.

for some unexplained reason, my morale for music seemed to have taken a blow while i was in amherst. i guess i wish i had been able to share music with more people, or talk about music, or feel like the people at the party would like what i want to do. mm, thats it. i was on the fringes of the party when it was in full swing, just observing the group and not committing to it, and in that i feel like i was not at all a part of the social reasons that everyone was at the party for. a party full of people like me would not be a "party". i have no need for feeling like a large, solid group of like-minded young people having fun. im not certain if it is the drinking, the strange pressure and trials of trying to make meaningful conversation in a crowded and loud place, or the overall goals and dreams of people my age, but i really do not care to have a blurry recollection of interactions that, for the most part, are heavily influenced by alcohol. maybe these hazy people i met have great things planned. but all i remember is that some guy said something weird, a drunk guy spilled water all over the floor, some kid threw up... etc.

once everything died down though, the night was nice. the evening really started once the crowd was gone. too bad all the girls also left with that crowd.. hmph. i wanted to get thoughts out for a song about last night. ill have to think some more.

watercourse cont.

nothing at all. lifes meaning, and the pursuit of life that my peers have gone their separate ways on feels alien and surreal. family has always been priority. being home has never felt strange, except when in transitory emotional stages based on the building and burning of bridges. friends have felt strange. new skin cant rewrite history. in that sense, i do like to run into people i havent seen in years, because it feels like change has been constant with me, and is finally pushing me towards something solid.

i should reread Kingdom of Fear. i should go for a run tomorrow. i should practice drums, guitar, and singing for that song of mine. i should clean up my room. i should play with bella outside. i should call jason. i should play my guitar again. i should contemplate Watercourse lyrics.

watercourse.. i like the idea of the first definition, that it is a bed of a stream that only flows seasonally. that is something. i think it is about frozen parts of a flowing substance that only move when the weather is right. hmm.

Watercourse

-the bed of a stream that flows only seasonally;
-a natural body of running water that flows on or under the earth.

the distrait honesty

the young people i have been working with have shown unrestrained honesty in all musical senses. some are more restrained than others, but when placed in an out-of-classroom setting and engaging in conversation instead of lecture, with the openness that artistic discussion must be allowed, they have been the most honest of critics. now it is my job to take their musical tastes and blow the doors wide open on the world outside of youtube, middle school, and parents.

also: negative energies have been detected, as far as the students trying to find where they belong and being frustrated in the journey. positive influences must be shown to them in a digestible and natural progression. must find their strongest bonds to current styles, bands, lyrics, and feelings, and amplify, distort, evolve. we will provide snacks and jokes. becoming an adult is a bitch.

friends kick ass. things are moving. i need that mackie onyx or the alesis, as well as acquiring Reason, because i need to start having solid recordings to show and twist. i have about three new songs on the rise, plus a few choice old songs i would like to rethink. content is the only true issue, as well as sound.

the big question: what do we have to say?

the economy sucks. our leaders are not aware that we are, as eddie izzard pointed out, the new Roman Empire. our Nero is in office. so there are politics.

theres more, but im tired.

the state of music

to obtain a close sense of pop music, and an appreciation of it, as well as having a close eye on what is bubbling up underneath it is the key to the musical evolution of pop. the truth of powerful, lasting music is to find the underlying alienated minorities and know what they are writing music about, and know which minority has the momentum of breaking through into the majority and synthesizing. to become a catalyst of multiple, distinctly different entities by uniting them through their similarities.

you cant buy the necessities of life with cookies.

Radiohead
Natsumen
Grizzly Bear

Never Wear Out Your Summer

for me, i have never seen money as anything more than a means for acquiring inspirational equipment. i suppose that having resources is the tricky part, where you need to be doing something that is hopefully inspirational to fund your future inspirations, and finding a comfortable middle ground is inevitably hard. is it the people that surround you, the actual things you are putting energy into, or the end result that keeps your mind on track, healthy, creative and dreamy?

im not sure if its the caffeine intake or the environment that has changed.



waking up to a cat sleeping next to me doesnt hurt, either. having a drumset in my life again is also wonderful. the next step in the process is to purchase that firewire device for home recordings. the question is, do i need 2 mic inputs or 8? boy do i want 8, but it may be overkill for the time being.



1.think globally, write locally.
-world=country=government=politician=community=family=individual

-war=country=government+conflict=nationalism+fanaticism= xenophobia=community=individual

2.sonic alchemy. acoustic=reality, electronic=dreams.
3.thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthink
moretocome.

Don't Get Big Ideas

Well. It's mid-October now. Not much had come to mind to talk about in the last few weeks. Some small things happened, such as meeting Kevin Youkilis the day after the Sox clinched the AL east, the start of the Intramural Arts program at the middleschool, working maniacally at starbucks... things draining, things filling. I've got a full plate, but I have some ideas for future days.

First thing is first. I need something like this.



Don't know why, but it doesn't matter. It must be mine. Though I think mine will be more of a blue/cream colored one. Maybe the color of dissipating rainclouds.

Next. I need to acquire Reason, a Korg Triton, a Mackie Onyx Satellite Firewire audio interface, a schector bass, a Line 6 bass amp, some sweet microphones, and the know how to isolate multiple instruments (most importantly drumset) for high quality recordings. All of that will probably put me back around, oh, say $4000 to be nice. I'm sure theres other shit that will distract me along the way.

And finally, I need to focus. I need to figure out a way to sonically combine the aspects of these:

Kid A
Talking Heads
Talk Talk

Then, the subject of content must be brainstormed. I'm not far enough along with that to share yet. More things on the way.

ps: inrainbows